Thursday, October 20, 2011

31 Days of Virtue: Day 20

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Titus 2:3

According to, reverent means deeply respectful. Respect is esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person. Sometimes it is hard to be respectful. We've already talked a little bit about respecting our husbands here. But maybe we need a refresher. Respect is a very important part of a marriage. If you haven't read the book Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, I highly recommend it. 

As I was doing a little research for this post, I started reading a few posts on the Love and Respect Blog. In one of the posts, is a story of a woman and her husband who attended a Love & Respect video seminar. The woman and her husband neither thought they needed help in their marriage, but wanted to do a little maintenance. The first night they came away with a feeling like "That's great; but we already knew that." However the second night, they learned something new. 

"Dr. Eggerichs began to describe our spiritual relationship to the letter. Essentially, the wife looks to the husband for leadership, but she is fearful andapprehensive and so she asks questions and looks for reassurance. The husband interprets this as trying to take control and wear the pants of the relationship and so backs off or responds negatively to the wife and a cycle begins."

This woman realized that this is what she was doing, unintentionally of course. After she told this to her husband, he also confessed that he was doing exactly as Dr. Eggerichs said the husbands tend to do - back off. 

I began to wonder, "Am I doing the same thing?" Are you? Are we fearful of something that is causing us to ask questions and look for reassurance?

We need to confess these things to our husbands, and let them know what we are feeling. Don't hold it in. Our husbands might be backing off or responding negatively just as Dr. Eggerichs explained. 

Instead of asking questions, let's try to encourage our husbands. Here are a few ideas from Time-Warp Wife:

  1. Listen to what he has to say so that you will recognize what's on his heart.
  2. Make an effort to be as cheerful as you were when you were engaged to be married.
  3. Ignore his faults and focus on his strong points by taking note of them.
  4. Compliment him for the way that he looks and the good things that he does like working hard for the family.
  5. See him for who he is, not who you want him to be.
  6. Be slow to anger. Relay your frustration with love, respect, and a cool head.
Archive of 31 Days of Virtue:

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