31 Days of Virtue: Day 20

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Titus 2:3

According to Dictionary.com, reverent means deeply respectful. Respect is esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person. Sometimes it is hard to be respectful. We've already talked a little bit about respecting our husbands here. But maybe we need a refresher. Respect is a very important part of a marriage. If you haven't read the book Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, I highly recommend it. 

As I was doing a little research for this post, I started reading a few posts on the Love and Respect Blog. In one of the posts, is a story of a woman and her husband who attended a Love & Respect video seminar. The woman and her husband neither thought they needed help in their marriage, but wanted to do a little maintenance. The first night they came away with a feeling like "That's great; but we already knew that." However the second night, they learned something new. 

"Dr. Eggerichs began to describe our spiritual relationship to the letter. Essentially, the wife looks to the husband for leadership, but she is fearful andapprehensive and so she asks questions and looks for reassurance. The husband interprets this as trying to take control and wear the pants of the relationship and so backs off or responds negatively to the wife and a cycle begins."

This woman realized that this is what she was doing, unintentionally of course. After she told this to her husband, he also confessed that he was doing exactly as Dr. Eggerichs said the husbands tend to do - back off. 

I began to wonder, "Am I doing the same thing?" Are you? Are we fearful of something that is causing us to ask questions and look for reassurance?

We need to confess these things to our husbands, and let them know what we are feeling. Don't hold it in. Our husbands might be backing off or responding negatively just as Dr. Eggerichs explained. 

Instead of asking questions, let's try to encourage our husbands. Here are a few ideas from Time-Warp Wife:

1. Listen to what he has to say so that you will recognize what's on his heart.
2. Make an effort to be as cheerful as you were when you were engaged to be married.
3. Ignore his faults and focus on his strong points by taking note of them.
4. Compliment him for the way that he looks and the good things that he does like working hard for the family.
5. See him for who he is, not who you want him to be.
6. Be slow to anger. Relay your frustration with love, respect, and a cool head.

Archive of 31 Days of Virtue:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6

Day 7

Day 8

Day 9

Day 10

Day 11

Day 12

Day 13

Day 14

Day 15

Day 16

Day 17

Day 18

Day 19

31 Days of Virtue: Day 16

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Ephesians 5:33

Excerpt taken from the Love and Respect Blog:

"Perhaps the major problem that keeps so many couples somewhere between the Crazy Cycle and the Energizing Cycle is the fear that, even though they try to practice the Love and Respect Connection, it won’t work.  Or, that they will be the only one in the marriage trying, and their spouse won’t reciprocate.

To these couples, my advice is always the same:  Don’t give up because it doesn’t seem to be working.  Keep showing your spouse unconditional love and unconditional respect.  Look for even the slightest improvements.  A husband doesn’t bring flowers, but he does fix the leaky faucet.  The wife still has a headache more than you like, but she has toned down the negativity. 

Here’s an example of a wife who felt nothing was happening but later was amazed.  She called her ex-husband and apologized because she hadn’t always respected his position in their home.  (She is a Christian, and he is not.)  There was silence, and then he responded, “Thank you.”  That ended the conversation, but several days later he called back at midnight in tears, wondering why she had made her apology.  She explained she had to ask forgiveness for not being what she should have been as a wife.  Again, the conversation ended abruptly.  Not much seemed to be happening.  Another week passed, and again he called at midnight.  He had been thinking of everything he had done, and he was sorry.  He went on about all of his mistakes – “some of the few kind words he has ever said to me.”

In another situation, a wife moved out and bought another home.  I coached the husband on how to behave toward her in more loving ways.  This went on for some time, and he was seeing little progress.  Then one day she said, “Are you wanting me to beg you to ask me to come back home?”

The above are just a few examples of what can happen.  Don’t give up because weeks or months pass with no response.  Don’t interpret delay as defeat.  Don’t assume that what you are doing is unfruitful.  Most often, love or respect is working on your spouse more than you realize.  Something is transpiring in the soul of that person.  Have confidence that God will work."

Archive of 31 Days of Virtue:

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 4

Day 5

Day 6

Day 7

Day 8

Day 9

Day 10

Day 11

Day 12

Day 13

Day 14

Day 15

Project 31: Fear the LORD

Today will be my last post for Project 31. Have any ideas about what you would like to read about for future posts? Tell me on my Facebook page!

...a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30

‘A woman who fears the LORD...’ What does that really mean? To fear the LORD means to have reverence for Him, to be in awe of Him, and to obey Him. We must fear the LORD before we can ever become the woman of Proverbs 31. We must realize that God alone is God. We are not. Our husbands are not. Our pastors are not. They will let us down; we will let ourselves down, but not God. He is faithful and true and righteous and pure. He will be there until the end; others may not. To fear the LORD we must love, honor, respect, and be submissive to Him. We must lay down our life to the LORD and let Him have control.

Proverbs 1:7, 9:10, and 15:33 all say that the fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge and wisdom.

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and discipline.” Proverbs 1:7

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” Proverbs 9:10

“The fear of the LORD is what wisdom teaches, and humility come before honor.” Proverbs 15:33

Do you desire to be a capable wife (Proverbs 31:10)? Do you desire to have strength and honor as your clothing (Proverbs 31:25)? Do you desire to have wisdom and loving instruction (Proverbs 31:26)? Do you desire for your children to call you blessed and for your husband to praise you (Proverbs 31:28)?

Fear the LORD. It’s where we should all begin.

Fear of the LORD is the beginning of

becoming the woman of Proverbs 31.